Tuesday, April 8, 2014

My Almost Rape Story #SayNoToRape

Rape is a topic on the lips of most people these days because the rise of exposure on crime has finally come to light in this part of the world.

Rape didn’t just start, it has always been but our culture and mentality never gave the female child, ladies or women who are victims of these wicked act the right to speak up and demand justice.
Thank God it’s changing now and a couple of groups are stepping out to be the voice to the voiceless, to fight for them and encourage them.

I remember closing very late from church due to a particular program. My home was quite far from the church. I could have slept in the church premises, but knowing that some of my relatives lived about 7 blocks away from church made me decide to go there instead.

I called to let them know I was coming over, my female cousin said she wasn’t home at the moment, but she will be returning the next day. She encouraged me to call her younger brother, even though her elder brother’s fiancĂ©e will not be home he would allow me pass the night. Confidently, I called him and he agreed. I got to the house and had my bath. I was about laying the bed when he asked if I was going to eat, I told him it was quite late and all I wanted to do at that moment was sleep. He said his good night and left the room.

Later that night, I woke up and discovered an object moving round my body. I was obviously spooked, until I realized it was human hands. I mouthed my displeasure which his reply was that I should not make noise. He didn’t want me to disturb his brother’s wife. I asked when she got back and he said it wasn’t long after I slept.

Then the talk began. He started professing his much suppressed love for me. How he has watched me grow into a beautiful woman. That he is sure I know what he wants and very sure I wasn’t new to his advances. At that point, I kept mute, thinking every possible action through in my head. “Is this how I am going to lose my virginity?”

All I could do was pray in my heart and engage him with discussions. Telling him I never knew he loved me and that he never showed it to me I told him I would prefer he shows me this love before we go into this stage. I also mentioned that I was still a virgin and would like my first night pre planned.

I just kept talking and praying within. I remember telling God He has to save me from this one because I came here from church and not some sort of kurukere waka.
Eventually, he believed I was serious about dating him and that the sex would eventually happen. A miracle right? I thought so too.

He finally slept off. I couldn’t get myself to closing my eyelid. I regretted not spending the night in church. I thought of doing different horrible things to him as I watched him sleep. I just didn’t dare. All I could do was thank God for saving me from this one.

I mean, I regard these people as family even though right now, I now think twice. After the incident, I remember trying to ask my Aunt how our chain of relationship links with this people but she started with questions that made me forget about getting an answer.

I was able to escape this but so many people didn’t escape theirs. They have decided not to talk about it and die daily with the emotional trauma.

I have just this to say to you if you are one of those rapist out there, I am not sure you have a heart or conscience, but the next time you choose to take a woman by force. Imagine another man taking your mother by force. Or even your own daughter.

Oh well, I hear they even rape their daughters? God help us all.

Elsie Godwin

Monday, April 7, 2014


The word rape is gotten from the Latin word “rapere” which means To Seize. It is defined by many professors of the English Language as: The forcing of someone into sex. This definition has been modified over the years and many have argued that it is more than an attempt to achieve sexual fulfillment (although this may be the case in a lot of instances) but an aggressive desire to dominate a victim. It is largely considered as an act of violence rather than a sexual encounter.

In early societies, men obtained wives through the practice of bride capture (This is still in practice in some societies today). In this custom, a man would kidnap a woman and force her to have sex, and then he would marry her. A similar scenario is shown in the book of Genesis where Shechem raped Dinar the daughter of Jacob and sought to marry her (Gen 34). In these societies, what we would now call rape was socially acceptable, especially in times of war and was sometimes celebrated as heroic. For example, Romulus, the legendary founder of Rome, is credited with populating that city by capturing the women from a neighboring group of people known as the Sabines.
Some ancient societies considered rape a punishable offense. But, many of these societies punished the woman raped, as well as the rapist. For instance, under the ancient Babylonian Code of Hammurabi, a married woman who was raped was said to have committed adultery. The Hammurabi prescribed that the woman and her rapist be bounded and thrown in a river. The option was left to her husband to either rescue her or allow her to drown. Similarly, ancient Hebrew law required that a married woman be stoned to death if she was raped.
Many ancient societies and even present day societies considered women as a form of property and rape was defined as an offense against the property owner—the woman’s father or husband—not against the woman herself. For example, the book of Deuteronomy, which delineates ancient Hebrew law, provides that if an unmarried virgin is raped the offender must pay the woman’s father 50 shekels and then marry her.

TYPES OF RAPE (The legal Angle)
As attitudes about sexuality and gender equality continue to change, legal reformers struggle to redefine what behaviors constitute rape. However, as a result of changing societal perceptions, laws now prohibit several different types of rape (But this article is not about various law classifications of rape so I would not dwell so much on its details)

A.Forcible Rape
Sexual intercourse carried out against a person’s will by the use or threat of physical force is sometimes referred to as forcible rape. Historically, a person could only be charged with rape if force was used to subdue the victim.

B. Acquaintance Rape/Date Rape
When a person rapes a person he or she knows, it is called either acquaintance rape or date rape. The two people may be friends, former lovers, or presently dating. Studies indicate that a woman is more likely to be raped by an acquaintance than by a stranger or a relative. An acquaintance may commit forcible rape. However, the term acquaintance rape is usually applied when the sexual intercourse is nonconsensual but does not involve the physical coercion typically associated with forcible rape, such as assault or threats of violence.

C. Marital Rape
Rape of a person’s spouse is called marital rape or spousal rape. The English common law and traditional U.S. and Canadian law did not recognize rape within a marriage as a crime; also many African societies do not consider this as rape. As recently as the 1960s the American Law Institute recommended retaining the historical legal doctrine that a man cannot rape his wife. The organization based this recommendation on the theory that it was inappropriate for the law to invade marital privacy. However, as a result of changing attitudes about domestic violence, many states in the US abandoned this doctrine and began to allow prosecutions for marital rape, especially if it is committed by force. In Canada, spouses may be convicted of criminal sexual assault.

D. Statutory Rape
Sexual intercourse with a person who has not reached the age of consent is known as statutory rape. The age of consent for sexual intercourse varies from country to country, but is usually 18 in most countries. This covers sexual intercourse with someone who is drugged or asleep, or who is mentally retarded or under the influence of alcohol.

E. Rape of Men
Traditional rape laws were gender specific, providing that only women could be victims of rape and only men could be rapists. In recent years, countries have rewritten their rape laws to be gender neutral. It is thus possible, although unlikely, for a woman to be charged with raping a man. In Canada, statutes prohibiting sexual assault apply to both male and female perpetrators and victims. But, sadly this is not the case in Nigeria and many African countries
Homosexual rape, when it is not covered by a country’s general rape statute, may be covered by statutes that prohibit anal or oral sex between members of the same sex, a type of sodomy. Although some statutes do not distinguish between forcible and consensual acts, forcible sodomy is generally subject to more severe punishments. Homosexual rape is a notorious problem in prisons. However, in society as a whole, rape of men—whether by women or other men—is not a highly visible issue.

The Philosophical approach
Rape raises a whole range of philosophical questions from the epistemological to the ethical, the ontological to the metaphysical. A philosophical examination of rape requires an exploration of memory, truth and meaning, of subjective interpretation and objective fact; of free will, choice, consent and volition versus determinism and natural selection; of identity, the self and the other; and of good and evil, morality and society. For us to truly understand what rape really is we have to look at it from a perspective beyond that of the rapist and the raped, which our legal system has effectively done justice to .

All or most definitions agree that for rape to occur there must be the absence of consent. But, this in itself creates further problems. For consent can be coerced directly or indirectly by threat, force, blackmail or even seduction (Now that is a debate for another day). If you say that rape occurs only when a lady “says no” and you still have sex with her, what if you point a gun on her baby and she “says yes”, she may even gladly undress herself and sex you till you say stop.  Will you say it is not rape? Or if you argue that there must be forced penetration, what exactly do you mean by forced? Is it the violence involved? Or the compelling factor? Rape may occur with no violence at all and with 100% consent/approval. So what exactly is rape?

Rape is the violation of human will. When the will of one is coerced to favor the will of another, that is rape. When a person is made to do what he/she doesn’t want to do, that person has been raped. When a woman is made to perform sexual activity against her will, that woman has been raped. And whoever does this is a rapist. So to a mild extent, the seducer is a rapist.

The real crime here is not that her body was defiled, nope for sex doesn’t and never defile the body; but her mind was defiled and once the mind is defiled the whole being suffers. The negative energy that is released from her spirit during the fusion of intercourse or assault and amplified in her soul via her mind will at the long run affect both the rapist and the raped. This turns the creative energy of sex into a destructive one (see laws of sex). This in turn results in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Substance Abuse, Self-Harm/ Self-Injury ,Stockholm Syndrome, Depression, Flashbacks, Borderline Personality Disorder, Sleep Disorders, Eating Disorders, Body Memories, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Military Sexual Trauma, suicide and many more.

To The Raped
The first thing you need to do to heal is to forgive yourself for being raped. This is one of the most important areas mostly overlooked for there is always the tendency for you to blame yourself for the incident. Why did you trust him? Didn’t you know the spot was dangerous? Why did you wear such provocative dress? All these are quite normal. There always a time to blame yourself, in fact I suggest you do. But then after all the blame game, forgive yourself. For nothing can undo what happened, so the best you can do is forgive yourself and learn from it. What better way to start than by showing love to yourself, make your hair, go shopping, see a movie, play video games . Love and appreciate the person you see in the mirror. Even if it was your entire fault and you regret the mistake, understand that it’s okay to make mistakes.

The next thing you have to do is forgive the rapist. This is the hardest part of the healing process but it is the fastest way to heal. Forgiveness isn't always to benefit the person who did you wrong. Your hatred and bitterness means nothing to the person you don't forgive....it's like taking poison, and waiting for the other person to die. Forgiveness frees you emotionally and enables you to move on. So don’t just forgive and forget, forgive and move on with your life.
Finally, you need help. You need both medical and psychological help. Get medical care right away.  The doctor or nurse will test you for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including HIV/AIDS, and offer you emergency contraception to prevent pregnancy (if victim is female). If the doctor or nurse does not mention testing for STDs or emergency contraception, ask for them. Seeing a counsellor or a close friend or spiritual adviser will help you effectively overcome the trauma that you may face.

To The Rapist
You need help. Nobody was born a rapist. There was no woman in history that gave birth and called all her friends and said “Guess what? I gave birth to a rapist”. They became one. Rapists are victims of society. Many of them suffer psychosomatic and manic disorders. They are victims of child abuse, societal neglect, poor parenting, rape, and every ill the society has birthed in them.

 You need to stop! Just stop where you are! Hold the breaks! Halt! Even if you are reading this, stop reading at this point…..no you can start reading…. go and seek help. There is no formula to transform a rapist into normal person, but there is always a hand willing to help someone that seeks it. Change comes to those who genuinely and sincerely want it. So seek medical help, seek mental help, seek spiritual help. It may be that your uncultured behavior is the result of childhood trauma, who knows, you may even have been a victim of rape yourself. For only hurting people hurt others. #saynotorape

To The Reader
Rape is a crime against humanity. It is a brutish way of engaging pleasure, it is a selfish engagement of men/women turned beasts, an unsavory cup of vinegar that bitters in tongue, tonsil and tummy. So join this campaign! Share it, tweet it! Text it! 1+ it! Pin it! But most important say it! Say no to rape!

By Prince Xavier

Lupita Nyong'o Our New Skin Whitening and Bleaching Ambassador

Lupita Nyong'o announced her ambassadorial contract with Lancome a French  cosmetics giant a few days ago and the whole black world went agog with the news. I found the information of Kola Boof's Facebook page but the first thing that came to my mind was "Cosmetics?" I decided to find more info about what they sell… A lot of products but hey! they sell bleaching and skin whitening creams… Hmm! why didn't our black skin activist notice that? Is it suddenly cool to bleach because Lupita is the new black face of Lancome or is it just so cool to compromise your standards as long as money is spoken?

I remember listening to the glistering speech of this dark and lovely Kenya Hollywood actress a few weeks ago and my head was getting great vibes as she told the tales of how she found real beauty on the dark golden skin of Alek, the Sudanese super model and how she prided in her own beauty black beauty from it. She expressed her struggles and even shared the story of that young girl who was about to get Dencia’s Whitenicious cream and how her own dark-skinned success changed the little girl dark golden skin story.  Her essence in that Essence speech was a grand stand against bleaching and whitening of dark skin, but here is another shade of the story she delivered for Lancome!

I was so sad to see scores of women that waged war against skin whitening and bleaching, women who plagued Nigeria because of Dencia’s Whitenicious roll out drums and gongs celebrating our new bleaching ambassador, Lupita. More money is involved I guess, so we can all compromise a little. The truth is Dencia was just doing business too and she wasn’t forcing anybody to buy or bleach, in fact, more people will buy Lancome skin toning, bleaching and whitening creams more than they did Whitnecious because it now carries a black identity. I think that's cool, bleaching gospel of a black Hollywood screen goddess rolling and not a hustler like Dencia or am I missing something here?

I am not in any way supporting skin bleaching, neither is my argument for Dencia any other bleacher or against our new bleaching ambassador Lupita, my question and concern is simple…

Where is Lupita’s essence? What will she tell that little girl now? 
“You can buy a bottle of the skin lightening cream but not the whitening one!” 
or she will tell the rest of us… 

“Don’t buy Lancome skinning toning products, they’ve didn’t tell me they sell bleaching and whitening creams in my contract”????

As far as I am concerned, Whitenicious and Lancome are two cosmetic companies selling similar products, one is just bigger with a wider range of product and the other is smaller and the business of a hustler trying to break big like other big cosmetic product company.  To shock you a little, Lancome started with five perfumes in 1935 and now the make not just perfumes, but skin damaging, skincare and makeup products. Whitenicious started with five types of skin damaging products, maybe in years to come they will make skincare products too #JustSaying

Talk Talk said this on the YouTube 
Sad how she calls out the owner of Whitenicious "Dencia" on her Essence speech about selling bleaching and whitening creams. Which if I'm not wrong ; she stands against skin bleaching and being the new ambassadress for Lancome who makes and sells bleaching and whitening creams as well; she quite a hypocritic act for her. That tells the "little girl” who wanted to buy Whitenicious by Dencia that, hey when there is money involve forget your believes and go with the money. I wonder what she is thinking right now.”
But there are hypocrites like me who thinks it’s cool as long as you are big like Lancome.

Newley67 said
“most companies sell bleaching creams but not everyones intent is the same as Dencia's as in to completely change shades.. If used correctly and sparingly it can helping with bruising and scarring from things such as acne marks.. I’m just saying.”
Maybe Lupita is just with the Lip-gloss section like Emma Watson who is just the face of Lancome new lipstick range "Rouge In Love". One thing I've come to realize is that we are humans in the least and the truth is, we are quick to preach what is working for us, forgetting who we are and what we really stand for.

Lupita was never an anti-bleaching agent, in fact, she confessed to giving in to the thought of bleaching at some point but won the battle when
 Alek the Sudanese supermodel showed up on her screen. I am still 100% in love with Lupita the actress but anytime she speaks about life and principles, I beg the world to watch and remember that she's only acting, she doesn't mean what she's saying, it's only a script. My anger is however with those men and women who blindly follow trend and pretend to have value while they truly don't, they stand where the crowd stand... 

 it was anti-bleaching and anti-gay law and they screamed at the top of their lungs without reasoning, shouting Nigeria, Dencia et al… Today it's Lupita the screen goddess and even if she goes porno, they will tell you her job requires friction and showing a lot more skin… Tomorrow they will be there to carry guns and sickles to bury whoever or praise whatever as long as it's up there, somewhere in the news. 

We must define what we stand for and be ready to stick with our gospel all the time. Nas once said he will never preach the gospel of alcohol but he goes around with a bottle Hennessey now even if he's going to the White House. Money Made Men Mad?

Before you say I am Pro or Anti XZY (product, people or value), ask yourself "Will I still stick with my gun even on death ground?" If your answer is no, abeg shut your trap and let the crowd screams and moan all they want. As for me, I am forever against Rape, Bleaching, Drug Abuse, Prostitution and Corruption aka PDP… don't tempt me with ministerial appointment though, I don't trust myself because the scripture says I shouldn't.

I'm Abidemi Babaolowo Oderinlo
I Read What I Need, Write What I Like and Act What I Write
Tweets from @enyola

Sunday, April 6, 2014

She Said No!

Poetic Justice to rape by @ceefour

She said no
It meant no, and not yes
You grabbed her hair
And tore her dress.
And bruised her flesh.
What you didn't know
Was the gaping hole you left in her soul.
What you didn't know...

Daddy was never around
Mother said he was in heaven
Grandma said he was in hell
Years ago, like you today
Violence had conceived you
Your mothers freedom to choose
Taken from her.
Bruised. Humiliated. Denied. Abandoned. Then you.

She would swear she taught you better.
Respect. Especially for a woman's choice.
Self-control. Because that is how men ruled the world.
Love. Because it isn't forceful, nor violent and never about sex.

She said no.
It meant no, and not yes.
You grabbed her hair
And tore her dress.
And the demon, the hate, the evil
That conceived you
Was in manifest.
How do you look at yourself in the mirror and not cringe?
There are guns, and knives.
Then there is your penis, and your mind.

She said no. It meant no. And not yes.

#SayNoToRape Day5

Written by Caleb Olorunmaiye